I really wish i could. See the bigger picture that is. Lately I feel so caught up with every little stress, decision, question and day. Its overwhelming and I don't really know how to cope. Leaving YWAM has been a harder and weirder transition than I could ever have expected. I mean, I'm still living with a bunch of ywamer's, even in the same city still, but the space and change that has taken place is already so big I feel like I've been done for months and months. Its definitely weird. It's weird trying to translate the last 4 years of my life into this new season I am in....the "working" season. Where I am just out in the world. With the so called "heathens." Being salt is not as easy as I thought it would be. I find I am battling off all sorts of lies that seem to be hovering over my head these days. Feeling like a failure. What do I have to show for the past 4 years of my life. blah blah blah.There's so many things I want to do, so many directions and possibilites....which is why I wish i could see the bigger picture. Just a glimpse...so I can forget about the little things that just don't need to be worried about.
Wow I just realized, I think I stress more than I dream these days. That sucks. I need to change that.
3 comments:
For someone who's seen so many different places, experienced so many cultures, and have met so many different amazing people...you seem irritatingly discontent.
Don't let yourself take yourself down off your own heights. You've done a lot, and have loads more to do. Just imagine the people who go right to work, who don't see more than the same one hundred mile span around the perimeter of their childhood home.
HANNAH I LOVE YOU!! Sorry I haven't seen you lately. Life is busy like life likes to be. I miss you girl.
Hannah, Your thoughts are some that I often have myself, feeling as though a failure of sorts, since all I do is sell copiers. But I want you to know that God used you in my life and the lives of my students last summer. Especially Mia.....I just know it. God has used you in some pretty awesome ways, and I think its pretty cool that you are willing to be so open on your blog. As someone who recently left ministry and doesn't really know why they are working other than for a paycheck, I understand!
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