Last night it rained so heavily, and there has been 2 nights of magnificent lightening storms. Something about the power of them makes me feel so small and vulnerable, yet so fascinated and in awe.
I read my Bible the past two nights, and this morning. It feels good to do that, even though most of the time I pick it up, I am so unsure of where to even start.
This next month will be an interesting season for me. I want to make healthy choices, but I am heartbroken. When I look back at this past year sometimes I am surprised I made it out alive. I did some pretty stupid things. I grew a lot. Some days I looked pain in the face, and others I ran from him and his mighty claws. I can tell you though, in my experience, not dealing with the pain doesn't make him stop following you. Some days I feel like I am dealing with the sadness/pain that could have been dealt with months ago if I hadn't have ran away and numbed myself with others.
I am currently terrified of my flesh, old dirty habbits and old clutches of sin that I really don't want to make their way back into my life. Not because I want to be all holy and good...which I do want...but more scared because I know how destructive that path can be, and I really don't want to end up there again. I guess the fact that I am even scared about that is a good thing.
I have not been the best Hannah I know that I can be. I'm not sure if I'd be honest if I said I had been trying either. All I know is that I am really thirsty for God, change, revelation and inspiration.