7.21.2007

Alberta, Alberta

Last night it rained so heavily, and there has been 2 nights of magnificent lightening storms. Something about the power of them makes me feel so small and vulnerable, yet so fascinated and in awe.

I read my Bible the past two nights, and this morning. It feels good to do that, even though most of the time I pick it up, I am so unsure of where to even start.

This next month will be an interesting season for me. I want to make healthy choices, but I am heartbroken. When I look back at this past year sometimes I am surprised I made it out alive. I did some pretty stupid things. I grew a lot. Some days I looked pain in the face, and others I ran from him and his mighty claws. I can tell you though, in my experience, not dealing with the pain doesn't make him stop following you. Some days I feel like I am dealing with the sadness/pain that could have been dealt with months ago if I hadn't have ran away and numbed myself with others.

I am currently terrified of my flesh, old dirty habbits and old clutches of sin that I really don't want to make their way back into my life. Not because I want to be all holy and good...which I do want...but more scared because I know how destructive that path can be, and I really don't want to end up there again. I guess the fact that I am even scared about that is a good thing.

I have not been the best Hannah I know that I can be. I'm not sure if I'd be honest if I said I had been trying either. All I know is that I am really thirsty for God, change, revelation and inspiration.

6 comments:

becky boctor! said...

hi hannah,

I enjoy reading your blogs thanks for keeping them up!x

Anonymous said...

hey hannah

thanks for your honesty.
i give you a big hug.

love susan (the one from germany ;-))

Lookupover said...

Thanks for your transparency, Hannah. Have been doing some running myself lately, Fear is indeed annoyingly ruthless when we run. Bless you in this journey.

(this is erin.)

Angel said...

you're an angel...

Anonymous said...

abilities are only as strong a the choices to modivate them
I have recently heard (from the O magazine) that spending just time every day quiet for a period teaches the body to relax which can come in handy when you find yourself feeling alone or waking up in tears.
things change, it happens so we don't stand still and disappear, its Gods way of making us live. But funny thing about that; when we are frightened of hard times and hide our heads in the sand to avoid it, thats when we become more of what hurts and we hate, at least stepping up to the plate and hopefully trying to say lets deal with this, then you truly move on, to who you were created to be.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weygNZphUxI

Pamela said...

Hey Hannah Bobannah... miss you
praying for you and that you never forget WHO'S YOU ARE!!

love ya Pam