8.30.2005

raw

What am I doing?
being a missionary.

Why?
I have no freaking clue.

Thats truely how I feel sometimes. I am living in the city of Vancouer making no money and living a life that goes against almost everything this world teaches us. Being at slam city jam this weekend made me feel like. Why am I not doing the norm? I could go to university like everyone else, get married when im 30 after spending my 20's being "young and independant...living for the day." Establishing myself in a career. Having a huge circle of friends and having them always being around. Spending my weekends like the wind. Here and there,,,yes i'll have another glass of wine!
Sometimes here I feel like the second I make a good friend they move away, or go on some missions trip. Sometimes I feel like I have to act 10 years older than I am. Making decisions that I dont even know if I want to be thinking about in the first place. So what is stopping me from living the easy life?
The taste of Christ.
They should have made the motto "once you pop you can't stop."
The Word of God now lurks in my soul, prompting me to be more, serve more, love more, sacrifice more. none of those things are particarly happy things to do. I live a life driven by a God that is bigger than I can ever imagine. The promise I get for this is eternal life and riches in heaven.
I feel like it can be a constant battle within my being. Live for now = rewards now...feeling happy now...
or living a life of pure surrender so that one day I may dance in the prescence of my king.

What am I doing?
serving my savior.

Why?
because his life is running through my veins..


4 comments:

Renee said...

i love you hannah. You're awesome.

kathryn said...

im having similar feelings.
what am i doing?

angela l said...

your awesomtastic ( a little combination of words i made up just now)

Rook679 said...

That is interesting that you give up what you long for, for something you are told exists. But I suppose you Know it does exists, faith is extremely powerful.