i love home...

This is a picture of the river by my house in the winter...its beautiful. I have really grown to have an appreciation for my hometown over all these years. I remember when I couldn't wait to get out of here, but now, leaving is sweet sorrow. I know when I left here it was good for me, I needed space, healing, vision, care and new life. But now that lots of that has taken place, when I come back I feel like I really mourn for all those years lost with my family. My family is definitely a family of survivors. We did not have it easy. I am in no way saying we had it harder than most, I know lots of family's go through tragic and awful things, I know I am blessed to have the family I have, to have grown up the way I did, but nevertheless, there was a lot of pain, confusion, anger and stress growing up. Things arn't all better. But they have calmed down, and when I am here at my home, sitting in my sister's room looking at clothes and talking about sister things I am so happy to be there, in that moment, with her and so sad at the same time that these moments are far to short and far between. I think of moving back here but then the question always comes to mind...What would I even do? What is here that would challenge me, where would I work, who would be my faith community?
I've always wanted to work with the church in some aspect, I mean, I have for years with YWAM...am I crazy to think I'd want to be a youth pastor? Yeah. I think I am.

It feels good to post. I need to do this more often. Ok so I feel like a little kid right now because I am sitting by the window looking up every 3 seconds waiting for a big truck to pull into my driveway. DHL. International delivery. The woman told me he'd be at my house within the hour, with my NEW CAMERA.I can't wait to hold it and learn it and take beautiful pictures and put them up here..yayayayyayay

ooxxo love you!

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